There’s No Use Crying…

Just when I thought nothing could annoy me more than election coverage, Hurricane Sandy (AKA, the Frankenstorm) rolled into town and everyone on Facebook suddenly became a meteorologist. Three days ago, the mayor of Philadelphia declared a state of emergency, issuing an optional evacuation order and halting all forms of public transportation in preparation for the storm, which was scheduled to make it rain all over the eastern seaboard Monday night and throughout Tuesday.

Today, things are finally back to normal. The rivers are running a little higher than usual and everything’s generally kind of damp but, all-in-all, the City of Brotherly Love is no worse for wear. Unfortunately, New York City and part of New Jersey seem to have suffered the brunt of the damage. To be honest, though, that part of the country was probably long overdue for a good bath. While the death toll currently sits at 33, we can take solace in knowing our society was likely never going to benefit from the existence of people like these:

So, what’s any of this have to do with advertising? I’m so glad you asked. The answer, quite simply, is one word; the lifeblood of all mammalian beings…


For years, I’ve suspected there’s some sort of conspiracy between the National Dairy Council and the National Weather Service. Every time inclement weather is on the horizon, people go crazy and stock up on milk in a manner that suggests Earth’s last cow just died. Why? Why milk? What are you going to do with all of it, especially if you lose power? Now you’re just sitting in a dark room with a fridge full of sour milk. Batteries and bottled water, sure. But milk? It just doesn’t make any sense unless someone at the NDC got wise and realized, “Hey, if that town loses power, all the milk in the grocery stores is going to go bad and we’re going to suffer a significant loss. We might as well unload it on the consumers. It’s your problem now, suckers!” And then they cackle in the way only a member of an evil council knows how.

It’s times like these I’m glad I’m lactose intolerant.

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