I don’t drink Dr. Pepper. I’ve never really been a fan of the flavor and something about secret formulas kind of freaks me out. Like, what if one of the Colonel’s eleven “spices” is actually semen? You don’t know. Anyway, after seeing this ad, I’m tempted to head over to Wawa and pick up a bottle of the one-of-a-kind cola. I still don’t like the way it tastes but mostly, I just enjoy doing things that will offend overly religious people.
Speaking of nutjobs, is there a website out there where Fundamentalist Christians can log on and have borderline retarded debates with one another? If not, there should be. That way, they could stay off Facebook and the FBI could track all their IP addresses in what would likely be the largest anti-child pornography sting operation in history. But until that day comes, I’ll just have to keep writing about stories like this one.
Within 24 hours of posting the above image on Facebook, the soft drink giant accrued more than 25,000 Likes and nearly 3,500 comments, most of which were malevolent and included numerous grammatical errors. Here’s one of my favorites, completely unedited:
If anyone didn’t get it before, i will never again drink dr. pepper. in fact i will go shoplift some and pour it on the ground, take that atheists. i did like it before but this is just wrong. the children will grow up to be stupid if theyre surrounded by this kind of media.
Finally, someone is thinking of the children! Albeit, someone who condones theft and littering and is apparently either too dumb or lazy (probably both) to locate the shift key. I genuinely feel bad for this guy. One can only assume he has few loves in this world beyond Jesus, several dozen cats and the fondling of small boys, and now he’s been forced to give up his favorite soda. At least he’ll always have Chick-fil-A.