Chick-fil-A v. The World

One of the first concepts you learn as an Advertising major is how to market yourself. It’s sort of a strange notion when you think about it, but it’s important to realize that how you present yourself can be essential to your success. You’re not likely to land a job if you show up for an interview looking like you just came off a three-day bender or if you sit there and shout racist or homophobic slurs at your potential employer. Unfortunately for Chick-fil-A, their spokespeople apparently played hooky during that part of corporate sensitivity training.

The ongoing controversy began in January 2011 when the WinShape Foundation (a charitable subsidiary of Chick-fil-A whose programs include retreats for foster kids and raising money for college scholarships) refused to allow same-sex couples to partake in their marriage counseling sessions. Right around that time is when a company should issue a public apology for being stupid. Instead, they sent one metric shitload of chicken sandwiches to WinShape. That resulted in some media backlash and a whole bunch of people boycotting the franchise for the last year and a half. Then, on June 16th of this year, Chick-fil-A COO Dan Cathy stopped by The Ken Coleman Show and had the following to say:

I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say, ‘We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage.’ I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about.

Now, I’ve never been a religious person. In fact, taking the Lord’s name in vein (which I probably do somewhere around 666 times a day) is the closest I come to praying. Nor have I ever enjoyed Chick-fil-A. That being said, things are about to get real biased up in here. Hang on to your Rosary beads, kids. We’re going for a ride.

I don’t know what type of Hell Dan Cathy believes in, but I truly hope he spends eternity there; fire, lapping at his shriveled up, old testicles while he shovels the shit of all the fat assholes who have been condemned after succumbing to that God-awful “Eat Mor Chikin” campaign. It’s people like him who give organized religion a bad name; people who have the audacity to claim that they know what’s “right” and what’s “wrong” and then do a complete 180 and accuse others of being audacious just because they live their lives a little bit differently. This is why we have war, people. Some stubborn old halfwit thinks they’ve got things all figured out so they try to push their beliefs onto those around them. They get a bunch of sheep in their flock but, sooner or later, they’re going to run into someone else who thinks they know the true meaning of life. But, guess what… it’s completely different than what Idiot No.1 had in mind. Next thing you know, they get their hands on a few pointy sticks. Fast forward a couple thousand years and the only ones who are any wiser are those who are senselessly killed while fighting for an idea that’s probably long forgotten.

On July 2nd, the Biblical Recorder published an interview with Cathy where he thanked God (literally) that “we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles.” He’s talking about his First Amendment rights (ed. note: My favorite of all the amendments) which I realize make it okay for me to sit here and publicly call him an overzealous psychopath, but they don’t give you the green light to exclude or otherwise mistreat someone based on things like age, race, gender, religious beliefs or – yes – even sexual orientation. I may only be a 25-year old Advertising student from south-central Pennsylvania, but I have to assume if people like Cathy would get off their high horses and start treating their fellow human beings with some respect rather than categorizing and discriminating against them, we’d all be better off.

Now, if you don’t mind, it’s National Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day and I’m off to buy a cheeseburger.

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One thought on “Chick-fil-A v. The World

  1. […] and the fondling of small boys, and now he’s been forced to give up his favorite soda. At least he’ll always have Chick-fil-A. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. Tagged Dr. […]

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