Bridgestone, Press Conference
This minute-long spot was actually one of several “teasers” for commercials that aired during this year’s Super Bowl. The concept is simple: some scientists at Bridgestone are holding a press conference to announce that the company is branching out and now using their rubber to produce “high performance” sports balls… and pucks. My problem with the ad lies in its length. It’s twice as long as a traditional commercial and thus, twice as long as it needs to be. Everything that needs to be said could be said within 30 seconds (as is further evidenced by the series of 30-second spots that have come out since) but instead, we’re granted what seems like an eternity of repetitive rambling by the company’s fictional spokesperson whose mysterious lack of an upper lip makes for a rather appalling screen presence.
Ford, F-150 Way of Life
The notion of using a celebrity with a recognizable voice to promote your product is not a new one. But, since these commercials started airing last year, I’ve been curious as to how Ford came to the decision to use Denis Leary as the narrator in their ads for the F-150. The man, known for his rants, has a voice like nails on a chalkboard. You could hand him a puppy with a hundred dollar bill tucked under its collar, and he’d still sound pissed off about it. Seriously, I haven’t heard such incessant wining since that guy at my school found out I was sleeping with his girlfriend. And furthermore, enough with these deaf-friendly commercials with the copy flying all over the screen. When people see text, they inherently want to read it. So, guess what, Ford… if you’re going to make us read for the entire duration of the commercial… NO ONE’S LOOKING AT YOUR DAMN TRUCK!
Verizon, Mother’s Day
For Christ’s sake, someone get these women a tissue and a shot of something strong to settle their nerves. Am I the only one who can’t wait for Mother’s Day to be over so Verizon stops airing this ad? I know I kind of just implied that people want to read when they see words on the screen, but that doesn’t mean they actually want to read. Chances are, if they’re watching TV, that’s probably the last thing they want to do. Making a commercial with unintelligible characters is a major faux pas and I’m fairly certain the phrase “Come back and talk to me once you’ve calmed down” was originally coined by a man after being confronted by a crying woman who was trying to explain something to him. Something about that sound just makes me want to scream and, every time I see the commercial – and I see it A LOT – I wish the Verizon employee would ask the mother/daughter team to leave the store, regain their composure on the sidewalk and come back in once they’re ready to act in a socially acceptable manner.
Honda, Road Trip
This is, hands down, one of my least favorite commercials EVER. I have watched it over and over in hopes of spotting something positive but I come up empty handed each time. Instead, I’ve started trying to decide which member of this modern day Partridge Family annoys me the most. Is it the douchey blonde pre-teen who kicks off the whole thing? Maybe it’s the little girl who strums her seat-belt like a bass guitar. I suppose I could just blame the parents for allowing such outlandish behavior on what I’m sure would otherwise be a lovely family vacation. And… wait a second. Who the Hell is the black kid in the back seat?! Aren’t his parents concerned that he’s been abducted by the whitest family ever? And, perhaps an even more pressing question, Honda… do you really expect me to believe he knows the lyrics to Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train”?
Technically, this commercial is from last year. But, for some God-awful reason, it stills pops up from time to time. It’s just a bunch of people, sitting around their respective offices, enjoying one of America’s most beloved candy bars. Yet, every time I see it, I’m overcome with the urge to throw a shoe at my TV. Why? I cannot stand the sounds people make while eating. It’s quite possibly the most unappetizing thing in the entire world and that’s literally all this commercial is; 15 seconds of people munching on Kit-Kats and then looking overly satisfied as they display complete disregard for their coworkers. Whatever happened to that whole “Give Me a Break” campaign? That was good advertising. Not only was the jingle catchier than herpes, but it promoted sharing. Instead, we’re stuck with these greedy slobs who were evidently never taught any sort of manners.