Lifetime to God: “Take That!”

I guess I should begin by apologizing to all four of my readers for not posting last week. When it comes to choosing a topic to write about for this blog, I usually flip through the latest issue of AdWeek or scour websites like Buzzfeed but, every once in a while, I just can’t find anything that I give enough shits about to take 30 minutes off from playing XBox. Last week was one such week and the past few days weren’t looking much better… but then I remembered reading a story on something about which I am rather passionate: boobs.

There’s a new show on Lifetime (ed. note: TV for clams!) called The Client List. It stars Jennifer Love Hewitt’s fantastic cleavage and is based on the 2010 made for TV movie of the same name. Prior to the show’s release, ads started popping up (and they probably weren’t the only thing, if you know what I mean) all over the Internet. They showcased JLH and her ample bosom – the three of whom play an escort on the show – in some low-cut, black lingerie and I remember exactly what I thought the first time I saw them.

“Men might actually watch this.”

Maybe they’d DVR and watch it while no one else was around, or maybe they’d pretend to get annoyed when their wives or girlfriends tuned in. But there’s a reason everyone’s heard the saying, “Sex sells.” It’s because it’s true. And, regardless of how it happened, you’d think the execs over at Lifetime would be happy they finally managed to tap into an entirely new demographic. But then someone started to bleed.

After about a week, the ads were re-released. Only this time, something was different. Evidently, someone figured out how to use the Pucker tool in Photoshop and things got a little out of hand. During an interview on KROQ’s Kevin & Bean Show, the actress is quoted, saying, “Uh, what happened? I’m not quite sure what’s going on but apparently somebody wanted me to have a boob reduction.”

I assure you, Jennifer, it wasn’t me or any other man I know. And to my fellow men out there, rest easy. I accidentally caught a glimpse of The Client List when attempting to illegally download the latest episode of Mad Men yesterday (there must’ve been some kind of mix-up at the pirating store) and, if those 30 seconds were any indication, everything on the show is just as the big guy upstairs intended.

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